Friday, July 18, 2008

Vacuum The Lawn

Dave brought home an interesting item. An electric lawnmower, complete with long bright high-contrast orange power cord, that had been clipped and spliced with black tape in three places.

How can this be, you ask?


It's the difference in the sexes.

Or at least, their habitual household roles.

The lady of the house is quite used to operating an electric appliance that tidies up what's underfoot. Said item underfoot is a floor, and said appliance is a vacuum cleaner. Notice that said appliance has a cord, and that the lady of the house is quite used to throwing it like a lasso, to get it out of the way of the duty at hand.

The lad of the house is not used to such a skilled activity. Count on it.

So when such lad hits the lawn with an electrified mower featuring a high-speed rotating blade, this lad may fall inattentive, especially if said lawn is of any size larger than, well, anything.

Guys just aren't used to vacuuming, which involves a powered appliance leashed to 110 volts of angry little electrons, or displaying similar skills involving an outdoor surface underfoot.

Combine that with the rotating slicing sharpened-at-both-ends blade, and you have this figured out already.

Guys, if you're going green with the lawn care, do yourself a favor and take a home economics course first, or practice by slurping up dirt from the living room floor a few times until you can handle major league pitching, which is longer, larger, and involving whirling weaponry.

In short, learn to vacuum the lawn.